Many could have said the words but they would never carry the meaning that came when they were said by the beautiful, kind hearted, compassionate, patient, talented woman who first watched me come through the doors of the shelter with my head hung down and enough tears to match the recent rains our area has experienced.  She had seen this before from others who had walked similar journeys before me, however this was my first time and not only that it was my story, my pain, my hurt and the worst it was my brokenness.
 
I was finally matched with a counselor early in 2015, it may have taken longer because I rejected and denied the words domestic abuse to characterize my relationship.  After all it was not the version of "abuse" I was familiar with and the other big reason for 15 years I had rarely been right, so despite my honesty in life believing my own credibility was extremely far fetched at this time.  It didn't take long to see the "unhealthy" relationship I had been a part of for so long.  Weekly I made the drive to the shelter for an hour of my life that always seemed to go by too fast...one on one, week after week I began to gain confidence in me and more importantly each gained week of space from my situation, watching and listening I saw the depth and the reality.  

Each trip often had a time of the most recent devastating lie uncovered or I can't believe someone would... which caused a goal of attack which came directly from My Father's Table.  My bounce back rate.  Her words at that time of the process, "I don't think you can manipulate yourself enough to not be shocked by what you are learning, these are not small things.  They are big."  My goal became hear it, process it, grieve it and bounce back keeping the detour from my living as short as possible.  

I was dedicated to healing and recovering.  I became more open about my domestic abuse counselor to friends and more importantly proud.  Shame and guilt began to fade and gave room to acceptance, forgiveness and healing.  I could gauge my healing on my ability to walk with my head higher not looking at the ground and also by my sense of safety around others.

Since July I have only met with my counselor 2 or 3 times and my most valued time was the last week of 2015 after celebrating my best Christmas season ever.   I drove to the shelter, announced my visit, waited for the gate to open and proceeded into a building thanks to my mother and a couple others I was never forced to live in but that was ready to take me in with one phone call from me.  I had no idea that meeting would give me the best words to end my painful 2015...

 "You don't need me anymore".  

I told her my greatest fear has been finding it again and shared how this year was a grieving process and how space allowed me to see the reality without the confusion.  

She let me know that those that heal don't find it again but those who don't find it.  So I do believe my post a while back was true... Those tears are healing and the less and less they appear over the situation the more and more healed.  

I am grateful the scars will remain as they are the testimony to the journey but more grateful for the upcoming 2016 and all it has to offer to a woman who has done the painstaking work to heal the wounds and gain the knowledge to never be a victim to such a lifestyle again.

Today I close the door to the past and open the door to the future taking all the wisdom and friends I have gained.

The journey of life is one that is filled with ups and downs, turns and twists.  You think you're heading one direction and somehow you get catapulted to an entirely different ride.  Each journey different yet each journey the same.  Everyone plagued with the same thing; sin.  It manifests itself in a thing called self and comes out in a thousand different self destructive behaviors.  Each individual light covered up with different experiences that breeds darkness, confusion, loneliness and a bacteria that stunts the growth of an individual. 

Sometimes these periods of darkness are long, sometimes they are short but one thing never changes... there is a hero to help you.  The question...can you recognize them?  They are often people you least expect and at the strangest of times.  I could not have become the person I have grown to be without the special heroes that are a part of my life...they breathe life back into my being, help remove layers from a candle that burns below darkness, but most of all they love me for me which allows me to find more self love.

Until I fully love me as God created me, I cannot fully love another for the way God created them to be.  These heroes don't ask me to be different than I can, but they have shared things I must experience in my life which grew me into more.  The great thing is they weren't on a mission to do it they were simply being them with an unconditional love from our common Father.

When two hearts bonded by love connect...the only outcome is something greater.